If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
