dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize