Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
