He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
