Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
