Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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