Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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