Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
