Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize