my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
