'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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