Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
