Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
