im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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