I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
