i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize