he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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