Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize