Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
