He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
