I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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