I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
