if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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