I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
