You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
