at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Are we still banned from the library?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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