Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
