I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
