you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
