Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
