also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
