so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
