We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
