and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
