sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize