i think i have two assholes
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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