The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
