I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
