Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
