I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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