it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
