You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
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