does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
