This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
