It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
