Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Come see our sink grown plant.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I just forgot I was standing up.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
