lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
