One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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