I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
i think my cat just said my name.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
