wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
