i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
zippers are such a cool invention
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
