she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
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