Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
