dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
