what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
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