I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
