Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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