the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
