Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
