i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I just found a bag of teeth...
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize