i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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