every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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