you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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