she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize