ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
