This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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