I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
