I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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