she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
