Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
It's shark week go big or go home
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Holy shit dude........stairs
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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