I just cut my nipple shaving
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
