He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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