I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
