Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
