A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize