Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
