theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Randomize
