I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
