i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize