dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
