fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize