woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
