Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
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