Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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