I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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