Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
