Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Randomize
