Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
